Saturday, April 2, 2011
Meds ahead and more meds maybe not
Dr. Brainkeeper met us in his office and ordered a battery of tests for Aldon. This was our 3rd neurologist since Aldon's decline and strokes. None of the doctors could put a name on what was happening to my dear husband. Nor could they stop the devastating symptoms that kept coming and waning and then doing it again. He ordered two new meds and as we asked the pharmacist what Nameda was for, she yelled across the pharmacy, Alzheimer's. We both had known but kept denying it to ourselves just as his mother and brother had done when they were diagnosed. There are no words to describe the feeling of hopelessness that that word brings when used as a fate for your loved one. He is taking the new meds now and says he feels better and thinks his memory is better too. I'm not so sure and just like that I am hopeful again. It wasn't until I had a good talk with Aldon's sister-in-law, Peggy, that I realized the meds were not going to help, the mri's and eeg's, etc. were just another way of denying the A word. Another word for all this darkness is dementia. Dementia is such a dark and brooding word to me. It feels like a black hole into which all our star's light and memory is sucked away leaving an empty universe. I am so grateful for Peggy. Since she has just gone through this with Aldon's brother, Rocky, before he passed away last month, she is a seasoned, sensible lifeboat for me. Aldon has come up with a "financial" scheme to sell our 401K, pay all the taxes and pay less later or something like that. He called and talk to our investment broker about it. I made a deal with him, that we would discuss it with our tax counselor before doing anything drastic. Peggy said, "Get your power of attorney ready, a letter from your doctor and let your financial people know about the Aword. That was so helpful. I did contact our finance person, explained and would get them documentation as possible. I also told them we were to treat Aldon with the greatest of respect and courtesy and simply delay as he usually forgot his immediate plans and moved on to other issues. Then Peggy said, Forget the meds, they won't help or stop this disease. Stop the tests and poking and seeking an answer you don't want to hear anyway. Give yourself and Aldon a break from the doctor's office visits, and roller coaster ride. You now what you are facing, you can't bargain it away, deny it or reason it away. The mist is not coming, it's here. Be content, you have done all you can do. You are both in God's keeping now. I am so sorry!